Of Rats and Precious Jewels
by ArquenRanger
Summary: “Rat carcasses”, apples, and the Evenstar make for quite a scene in Minas Tirith.


**Title: Of Rats and Precious Jewels**

**Author: **Arquen & Rina

**Beta: **Alex

**Genre:** Comedy/Spoof

**Summary: **"Rat carcasses", apples, and the Evenstar make for quite a scene in Minas Tirith.

**Characters: **Aragorn, Arwen, Elladan, Elrohir, Legolas, Gimli, Merry and Pippin.

**Disclaimer: **Sadly we do not own any of the character's in this fic. They will always and forever remain the wonderful creations of Tolkien. The places mentioned are accredited to J.R.R Tolkien and Peter Jackson. The events that occur in this fic, on the other hand, are the workings of two crazy minds.

**Author's Note: **The "Rat Catcher shop" idea came from the third disk of the appendices in the ROTK SEE. The Evenstar idea was taken from Arwen's vision of Eldarion wearing the Evenstar (ROTK) and the shattering of Aragorn's Evenstar in Gondor (ROTK SEE).** Now…on with the fic!**

**Warning: **I believe the only warning is to beware of random phrases that are thrown in there. :P Just…pay attention to the spelling of "sun". You'll understand, hopefully, when you get to it.

The Fourth Age of Middle Earth had come to pass. Aragorn had overcome his fear of becoming the leader of men and had taken up his role as the King of the White City. He began his new life with Arwen; a life he had once feared would never have happened if the ring had not been destroyed…

Aragorn pondered on this thought as he strolled through the White City. As his thoughts turned toward Arwen, worry settled over his features. Recently she had taken note that Aragorn had not been wearing the Evenstar and he had been bombarded with her many questions.

"_How can I tell her that her necklace, the necklace she had given to me out of faith that it would be well kept, now lies in shards at the bottom of my drawer?"_

Aragorn groaned in despair, but was suddenly distracted when he heard a commotion in the distance. As he neared the Rat Catcher's shop, the man could not help but laugh at what he saw.

Gimli was holding a fistful of rats, shouting at Elrohir, who stood a few paces away doubled over in laughter. The dwarf advanced toward the younger of the twins, rats in one hand and his axe in the other. Elrohir, seeing the dwarf coming towards him with an evil glare in his eyes, began to slowly back away.

"'Dan, brother, I could use a little help here."

"You got yourself into this mess, you can get yourself out of it," replied Elladan, the older of the twins, as he glanced at Legolas with an amused grin.

"Legolas-" The elven Prince cut Elrohir off with a gesture of his hand. "I'm not getting involved in this. I've learned never to challenge an angry dwarf with rats in his fist and his axe at the ready."

Elrohir turned on his heel and sped down the street, Gimli's shouts echoing after him.

"Legolas, hold these for me," the dwarf said, shoving the dead rats into the elf's hands as he took off in pursuit of the younger of the twins further into the city.

"What am I supposed to do with a fistful of rodent carcasses!" Legolas cried in disgust.

Elladan raised an eyebrow. "You can always use the dwarf as target practice." With that said, Elladan grabbed a rat from Legolas' hand and chucked it at the dwarf's back simultaneously pointing at Legolas as Gimli turned to face them.

"You treacherous elf!" Gimli spat at the blonde haired elf.

Confused, Legolas turned to face Elladan only to see that the older of the twins was pointing at him. Realization dawned on his face and horror soon after.

"It wasn't me!" he protested innocently, as Elladan stepped behind a cart full of rats to watch the ensuing chaos.

"Of all the shops, of all the taverns, and of all the cities of Middle Earth it **had to be a rat shop!" **Gimli grumbled loudly as he abandoned his chase of Elrohir and sped towards his new rival.

"Elladan!" Legolas shouted in fury as he ran opposite the direction of the dwarf.

"You prissy elf! I'll get you for this!" The dwarf waved his axe in the air as he took off in a run after the blonde elf.

"Elladan," King Elessar said in a teasing manner as he approached his brother who had reappeared from behind the rat cart, "you and Elrohir have caused quite a disturbance among my people." It was at that moment that Elladan noticed the blank and confused stares of the shopkeepers and bystanders.

"Don't worry! We do this all the time!" Elladan said loudly, trying to reassure the somewhat traumatized people of Minas Tirith.

Aragorn leaned in and whispered in his brother's ear, "I'm going to tell Ada on you. Wreaking havoc in Minas Tirith already? What would he say to that?"

From behind the man, Elladan could see the approaching figure of his sister. The older elf coughed and turned to reply to Aragorn's threat. "If you don't tell on me I won't tell Arwen about your little mishap with the Evenstar."

Aragorn stood before his brother stunned. "That's blackmail!"

"It's a trade!" Elladan replied, smiling mischievously.

"How exactly did you find out about the Evenstar, anyway?" Aragorn asked with a growing suspicion. He clearly remembered that he had not said a word to anyone about Arwen's Evenstar incident.

"I have the gift of foresight. Shall I tell you what I have seen?" Elladan continued, smiling at his brother's expense.

"You have the gift of sneaking about and finding out things that are none of your business, more like! Do you actually think you can blackmail the King of Gondor?"

"Of course…"

Aragorn sighed dejectedly. "Yes, yes you can."

"Blackmailing the King of Gondor?" A woman's voice said from behind Aragorn. "Now what in the name of the Valar have you two been up to?"

Aragorn spun around with growing trepidation to face his wife. At the same moment Elladan reached over and clasped the man's back. "Oh, we were just talking. Now what were we talking about again?"

King Elessar faced his brother with an evil smile. "Maybe we were discussing the rat problem you seem to have."

"I could have sworn it was something more along the lines of-"

"Elrohir, it's good to see that you've survived your little episode!" Aragorn interrupted, waving to the younger of the twins impatiently to come join them.

Arwen looked at her husband and her brother perplexed. "Survived what? What happened-"

Elrohir came up to the three, panting in exhaustion. "I thought that I would have never escaped! That dwarf runs faster than I took him for!"

"You didn't escape, Elrohir. He abandoned his pursuit of you for Legolas when your dear sweet brother framed him by throwing-"

"-rodent carcasses!" Legolas interrupted his long-time mortal friend. "Why did it have to be rodent carcasses! Elladan, I'll have your hide for this!"

Arwen gazed at the group afraid to ask what had transpired among the five. "Do I really want to know?"

"No-" Aragorn began, but was interrupted as Legolas ranted on.

"I'll tell you what happened-"

"Legolas!" Estel said in a strained voice, but the elven prince did not hear him.

"Your eldest brother framed me by throwing a rat at Gimli and then incriminating me!"

"Legolas," Elladan continued Aragorn's plea.

By then Gimli had trotted up, gasping for breath, but upon seeing Legolas a broad smile came to his lips. "Mission accomplished."

The elven prince leaped back toward the same cart Elladan had hidden behind earlier to escape the dwarf's intentions. "Gimli, give me a moment to explain-" but the dwarf was already upon him, giving him a strong shove that knocked him into the cart of dead rats.

Elladan and Elrohir burst into laughter and even more so when Legolas reappeared from the tipped over cart with rats dangling from his belt and quiver.

"He's armed with rats again! He just cannot resist! He's the culprit!" Elrohir could not resist the jibes.

Aragorn took hold of Arwen's arm, pulling her back to shield her from the danger.

"You!" Legolas and Gimli yelled in unison, each pointing to the twin who had wronged them.

The twins exchanged horrified glances and took off at a run. Legolas and Gimli turned to face each other.

"Shall we?" the elf offered.

"Let's!" the dwarf agreed and together they chased after the fleeing elves, leaving Aragorn with a very confused Arwen and a terrified audience.

"Shall we not help them?" Arwen voiced.

"No, no they can handle themselves. I'm more concerned about our people. Minas Tirith is not ready for their like."

"I suppose. Oh, Aragorn, would you mind returning the Evenstar for a short while? I wish to wear it…for a ceremony."

"What ceremony?" Aragorn asked, trying to change the subject from the Evenstar.

"The ceremony for…for the wives whose husbands…died trying to protect Middle Earth." Arwen stammered, smiling innocently.

"I do not remember there being a ceremony today."

"I felt that they needed comfort and what better than a ceremony. Anyway, about the Evenstar…"

"About that," Aragorn said in dismay, "I do not think I can return it to you just yet…"

"Why not?" Arwen inquired, her eyebrows furrowing.

"Well, it's just that…" the man sighed and continued to ask in a whisper, "Promise me you will not get mad."

"Why would I-" She paused as semi-realization came to her face. "What did you do?"

"I did not do anything! I swear by the Valar and everything good that I did not do anything!" Aragorn overreacted as he tried to defend himself.

"Aragorn, the Evenstar…"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! It's just that when Sauron threatened your life, when I looked into the Palantir to challenge him, your necklace fell from my neck and shattered into a million pieces on the floor. I tried to gather all the pieces, but there was no way I could put it together!" Aragorn would have willingly begged on bended knees for forgiveness if Arwen had asked it from him.

"It must be reforged! The necklace that was shattered must be reforged!" Elladan yelled as he and Elrohir passed by the pair, trying to get away from the Mirkwood elf and the angry dwarf.

"You'll get yours, Elladan!" Aragorn shouted after his brother.

The bystanders looked on once more in alarm when they heard their King barking threats at his brother.

"Get in line!" Elladan yelled back "I'm in the process of 'getting mine' from someone else! Maybe later!"

"Not today," Estel mumbled, turning around to face his wife who now had a guilty smile on her face.

"Are you pleased with my suffering?" the man said frantically. "How can you possibly-"

"Aragorn…"

"-be pleased with the prospect-"

"Aragorn…" Arwen repeated again even louder than before.

"-that your necklace now lies in shards at the bottom of my drawer!"

"Aragorn!" The queen yelled and then coughed politely as she took notice of the stares they were receiving from the bystanders looking curiously in their direction. "There is something you must now know before you burden yourself with guilt." She continued with a soft voice, "I forgive you for the necklace."

"Arwen, what…but it's broken!"

"It doesn't matter to me. You're safe. You've taken up the crown and became who you were destined to be. Not even the shattering of the Evenstar could make me mad at you…"

"Arwen, what did you do?" Aragorn asked suspiciously. "Why are you speaking like this? You're frightening me."

"That's marriage; get used to it, my lord," a random passerby said, winking in Aragorn's direction.

"I heard that," said the peasant's wife who was walking behind him.

"I was just kidding, darling."

"Sure you were! When we get back home there will be no supper for you!"

The peasant shrugged his shoulders at Aragon and Arwen as he continued on his way with his wife scolding him.

"Maybe we should go somewhere private to speak of this," Arwen proposed, hoping to distract Aragorn from the topic at hand.

"No, I want to know what happened to the Evenstar!"

"It is-"

"-gone!" the man interjected.

"No…it's more or less…in perfect condition."

"Arwen…?"

"It's…I love you. I really do, but it's just that every time you step foot out of the door you return almost shattered yourself; let alone anything or anyone else that has gone with you."

"Arwen, what are you saying?"

"I…I may have given you a…replica of the Evenstar…"

"You what!" Estel shouted. "All this worrying! All the weeks I have been fretting over how to tell you that your necklace looks more like the rubble from Osgiliath-" Aragorn paused to calm his frustration. "I am calm. I am as jubilant as the **sun**."

Arwen looked upon her husband with concern. "Please tell me this is the mortal way of coping with frustration. It looks quite frightening."

Estel gave his wife a withering glare. "What do you mean it was a replica?"

Arwen, with her quick wit, replied, "I was waiting until you were crowned king to give you the…real Evenstar. Our **son**-"

"-what **sun**!" the man asked confused, throwing his hands in the air. "Are you jubilant as well!" (Since Arwen was making a reference to Eldarion in her vision, Aragorn has no clue what she is talking about and automatically assumes it's the "sun" he was talking about)

The elf queen stepped closer to her husband. "If you would accompany me to my room I would be overjoyed to place in your possession the real Evenstar."

"Now you want to give it to me." Aragorn ranted. "After all this worrying over your **fake** Evenstar you decide to give me the real one now!"

"Yes…"

King Elessar bowed his head in resignation. "Lead on."

Together the King and Queen of Gondor, with forced smiles, walked down the streets toward the Tower of Ecthelion, but not before leaving the owner with 25 gold pieces and the promise that the troublemakers who caused the mess would clean it up. "As soon as I get my hands on them," Aragorn said under his breath.

"These are my apples! I bought and paid for them, Pippin!" Merry exclaimed.

"They don't have your name on them," Pippin retorted, "and anyway, as guard of the Citadel, it is my duty to protect the people of Minas Tirith and these apples look mighty poisonous."

"Why, you dirty little thief!" the older hobbit fumed.

"Well excuse me for trying to save your life again!" Pippin replied, trying to retain his dignity.

Aragorn and Arwen turned their heads to look at the arguing pair before continuing on their way with small smiles upon their faces.

"Pippin-" Merry began to say, but stopped as he tried to calm himself. "I am as calm and jubilant as the sun"

Arwen spun around in horror and stared at Merry just as twilight zone music began to play.

(Sung to the tune of Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas)

Have yourself a Merry Rodent Carcass.

Be as jubilant as the sun.

Chuck them one by one at your fellow friends and dwarves.

Have yourself a Merry Rodent Carcass today.

"Oh shut up you crazy elf!" Gimli yelled at Legolas. "No one wants to hear a song abut rodent carcasses when you're **wading** in them! Fool of an elf!"

"Gimli is right. This is your entire fault anyway," Elladan added teasingly.

"My fault!" Legolas exclaimed in disbelief. "Who was the one who threw the rat at Gimli in the first place!"

"Elrohir!" Elladan, Gimli, and Legolas shouted in unison, turning to face Elrohir who was clinging to a broomstick desperately trying to disappear behind it.

"No use in that, elf! You're not that skinny to hide behind that twig!" Gimli scoffed. As subtle as he could, the dwarf bent his knees to grab hold of a dead rat that was by his feet.

"I sincerely have no clue what you three are talking about. It was the wind! Yes, yes…it was the wind!" The younger twin tried desperately to place the blame on anyone or anything other than himself.

The next thing Elrohir knew, he was directly hit by rat. Elladan and Legolas, seeing what Gimli had done, joined in and began throwing even more rats at Elrohir.

Picking up his broom, Elrohir challenged, "Bring it on!"

"Rat fight!" Elladan screamed at the top of his lungs.

In the din of the rat carcass battle, the wails of despair from the shopkeeper could be heard. "No! Not again!"

The End…or is it?


End file.
